Chess
by CrazyElfPrincess
Summary: They've been enemies, friends and more than friends. But through it all Erik and Charles have always had chess. My first fanfiction on here, but not my first ever. I hope you enjoy.
1. Chapter 1 The Pleasures of Chess

Chess was such a simple pleasure for Charles. The rock solid logic needed to play pleased him, as did the intimate knowledge of your partner's mind which players strived to achieve. The combination of logic and knowledge were used to predict many different possible outcomes, planning ahead and trying to work out which route your partner was likely to take and how to defend against it, even turn it to your own advantage.

The way a person plays chess can tell you a lot about the person, Charles had discovered. You can understand how their mind works by scrutinizing which pieces they move and when, you could also use it to understand how that person thinks your mind works, how they think you imagine the game going. You can tell if a person is hasty or patient; if they are logical or abstract; cunning or gullible. Charles liked how chess opened a person up like a book, but that was all a little too easy for him since he could read a person without the aid of carved pieces and a checkered board.

But it was with his current partner where Charles found the most pleasure in chess. Erik Lehnsherr did not turn into an open book as soon as the board was set. He remained closed to wandering eyes and Charles couldn't tell what move he might make next, without using his powers of course. It presented a refreshing challenge.

But there was something else Charles liked about his evenings playing chess with Erik. The atmosphere between them was intense and heavy as the two men channeled their focus into the game and he enjoyed the closeness it gave them. Close moments were a rare thing with Erik, he was usually a locked door on the outside. Invading his mind was one thing but it didn't hold a candle to Erik willingly opening up to him. Chess gave the two of them something to focus their hands on, something to stare at to avoid eye contact and that made having difficult discussions so much easier, because neither was focusing on the other's reactions just their words.

But tonight was an exception. Tonight was more of a challenge in self-control for him and the air between the two men was so tense Charles felt he could cut it with a knife, it burnt him to have to focus on the game when all he wanted to do was focus on his friend. But he kept his eyes riveted on the board, pretending to be considering as Erik pondered his next move.

"You're not focusing" Erik said, without even lifting his eyes.

"Sorry?" Charles asked, startled from his thoughts by Erik's breaking the silence.

"Your mind isn't here, it's elsewhere"

_'__It's not elsewhere at all' _he thought '_My mind is right here, right now. It's not my fault there are more interesting things to focus on than this game'_

But he didn't say that, instead he said "Suddenly developing telepathic powers now are you? Because that's my department"

"Not exactly. But I can beat you in 4 moves, a situation I have been setting up for some time, and you haven't made a single move to stop me even though I can see at least 3 routes out for you"

For the first time that evening Charles paid real attention to the game he was playing, and immediately noticed that Erik was right.

"I'm sorry my friend" he said "I've been a little distracted this evening"

"I noticed" Erik said with a smile, Charles shot him a questioning look. "I've been subtly rearranging this room ever since I noticed you were a little distracted and you haven't spotted a single thing, not even when I floated a spoon right around your head"

All Charles could think of to say was "Oh"

"Care to voice your thoughts?"

Charles smiled a little ruefully "Thank you for the offer, but I don't think that would help"

"Why not?"

"This is an internal struggle, I'm afraid. I would not wish to burden you with it"

"Are you sure that's why you won't tell me? It's just, you've been sending me odd looks for days now. I'm beginning to think that maybe it's something to do with me" Erik said slowly, his eyes riveted on Charles, intent on reading his reaction.

"No, not at all" Charles replied, just a little too quickly. Erik smiled, his eyes cold like a predator.

"Well now I think we both know just how true that statement is"

"Yes, I think we do" Charles said, hating the way his voice refused to rise much above a tense whisper.

Erik rose to his feet, his face a neutral mask as he began to pace around the room casually. "But the real question is why I'm playing on your mind so much" he said, doing a pretty good impression of a detective interrogating a suspect. "Could it be something I've said, something which has perhaps unsettled you or struck a nerve?"

He threw a sideways glance at Charles to judge his reaction, who was sat stiff in his chair and staring straight ahead.

_'__Please, let's not play this game'_ Charles thought to himself, terrified that when Erik finally found the reason he wouldn't be able to hide it from him.

"Not something I've said then" Erik said, continuing his slow circuit of the room. "Perhaps it's a secret, something to do with me that you can't tell"

Another sideways glance, still no reaction from the professor.

"Not a secret" he continued, his voice getting slowly softer "How about trust, I know that's a bit of a difficult subject between the two of us"

Charles flinched at that, he had to say something. "It's not trust Erik. We have our differences, you and I, but I do trust you"

"If not trust then what, Charles?" Erik asked, stopping his walking and staring at his friend. He tried to meet Charles' eyes but couldn't quite catch them as the telepath avoided his gaze. "I'm not trying to trick you Charles" he said, allowing a little kindness to seep through his voice "I just want to know what's wrong"

"Nothing's wrong, Erik. I just…" he began the sentence, but knew he'd never be able to finish it.

"Just what?"

"Nothing, it's nothing" he stuttered, pulling out of the confession he had so nearly begun. Staying here with Erik, with it just being the two of them, he knew was too dangerous. Erik watched as he got up from his seat, making a beeline for the door and hoping that Erik would let him go with at least a little dignity left. But that was too much to hope.

The door slammed shut and Charles heard the sound of it locking. "Erik, please" he said turning to the metal user, "I'm tired, let me leave"

Erik shook his head. "Not until you tell me what's wrong"

"I told you, nothing is wrong"

"Alright, if nothing's wrong then what's so right?"

"Wh-what?" Charles stuttered, a little startled by how Erik had just pinpointed an issue in his head. Was what he was feeling wrong or right? He couldn't tell.

Erik's eyes lit up, his mouth forming the shape of a silent 'ah' as he realised he'd hit upon something.

"What's so right in the world of Charles?" he pondered allowed "Something to do with Erik which is right in the world of Charles"

"Erik this is childish"

Erik began to move closer to Charles. "It seems we have abandoned our game of chess" he said, then moved over to the board and moved a piece. "Your turn Charles"

Erik watched his friend walk towards the board, suspicion lacing his every mood. The telepath stood and contemplated the board, and Erik took the chance to move in close behind him, whispering mere inches from his ear "Make your move Charles"

Charles flinched from the closeness of his friend's voice. He leant down and moved a piece, quickly retreating to the other side of the room.

"I could not possibly explain to you the depth of my internal dilemma" he said, as collected as he could make himself.

"Why don't you show me instead?" Erik suggested, moving across the room to be closer to his friend, only this time Charles held his ground and allowed him to grow closer.

"Would you rather I showed you?" Charles asked carefully.

"If that's the way you'd rather have it"

Charles' eyes danced with possibilities and, looking deeply into bright blue, Erik could see that his friend was trying very hard to make a decision. He was running out of patience.

"Shall I make the decision a little easier, Charles?" he asked. He moved with the speed of a striking snake, grabbing Charles' arms and pushing him towards the nearby wall, pinning him there "Now it's a lot simpler" he said with a grin "You tell me what's on your mind or I don't let you go"

"Erik, let me go" Charles said, not struggling but instead staring straight into his friend's eyes. "Please, Erik, don't make me do this" his voice broke suddenly from his usual collected tone to a pleading one.

"Do what, Charles?"

To Erik's surprise, he found Charles' head leaning in, their faces only a few centimeters apart. Their eyes connected and locked onto each other as their breath mingled into one and the hot air was the only thing between them.

"Do what, Charles?" he repeated in a whisper which was hot and heavy and hung in the air between them.

Charles just stared into his friend's eyes with a deep intensity that made something inside the metal user squirm. A desperate, animalistic anger flared inside him and he pinned Charles harder into the wall.

"Damn it Charles, don't play mind games with me. Do what?" His voice was quiet but cold and intense, with a danger lacing it that Charles couldn't help but detect and even fear.

Neither man could have defined the way they felt in that moment, because neither man knew. This moment was the embodiment of Charles' Xavier's dilemma, it felt both wrong and right to be this close to Erik, and now he had to make a decision.

Charles' face was suddenly puzzlingly calm, a hint of regret tainting his features. "This" he said quietly and before Erik had pieced together what was happening, before he had mastered the feelings he couldn't name which were swimming round and round in his chest, Charles had shaken one of his arms free and had his hand held against his temple in a far too familiar gesture. Erik suddenly found that he had no control of his own movements, he was frozen.

Charles shook himself free of the frozen Erik and didn't release him until he was halfway across the room.

"Open the door Erik" he said quietly and Erik was too shocked and mixed up not to do so. With a wave of his hand the door swung open and the telepath walked calmly from the room, leaving Erik alone trying to work through his feelings and why he felt so damn empty now that Charles had left.

He had pushed too hard and in doing so had screwed things up with Charles. But what had happened? In that moment when the two were so close they could feel each other breathing he had wanted something. But what had he wanted? He couldn't tell.

Or maybe he could.

Maybe he was just trying to hide it from himself because the truth was just a little too much to take, and a little too much to hope that the same thing that had just happened to him had been happening to Charles for longer than either knew. It was just a little too much to hope that the thoughts of confusion and feelings of painful disappointment were running through the telepath's head at the same time as they were running through his.

He stood in the middle of the room like a statue, even though he had long since been released by Charles' invisible grasp. Because it wasn't the telepath's powers which had Erik frozen now, it was something else to do with him. In the brief moments when they had been so close, Charles Xavier had put the finishing touches to a spell he had been unconsciously casting on Erik for quite some time, and only now did the metal user finally see it.

But if only Erik knew that the hopes he wouldn't let himself have were not too farfetched at all. For upstairs in the mansion, in a certain telepath's bedroom, lay the man which so filled Erik Lehnsherr's thoughts and he had his hands over his face as he tried to hide from the world and berated himself again and again for having let his shield slip and almost let Erik in.

How could he have been so stupid as to let Erik know something was up? Why did he let the metal user play games with him? And why hadn't he left long before it got that far?

And then there was that moment; when Erik had him pinned against the wall he could feel the power surging through his friend's veins and he couldn't make sense of what he had been feeling. He had been so close to letting go of all his self-control and letting an impulse he didn't – no, couldn't – understand overrun him. But what had he sensed in Erik? It was too good to be true, and so it can't have been. It must have been his imagination. But he did sense something there, something so confused and so desperate that it mirrored his own feelings almost exactly.

But Charles wouldn't let himself be that foolish. The feelings he was feeling were his alone, Erik surely didn't share them.

It was mid-afternoon when Charles finally dragged himself from his room. He had mastered his outer appearance and had calmed himself down inside to a degree at which he could start to try and unravel his feelings, a task which he knew could take weeks but he might as well start right away.

He slipped out of his room and into the silent corridor and headed towards the library, although it was the scene of the event which had caused him so much distress, it was also the place where he found it easiest to focus. He encountered no one along the way, which pleased him, and he arrived in his sanctuary unnoticed.

Sitting in his favourite chair he picked up a book and sank deep into his own mind. However his solitude was broken 10 minutes later when someone else entered the room. Looking up he saw the last person in the world he wanted to see, and the only person in the world he wanted to see. Erik.

Erik had the door shut behind him before he noticed Charles, sat casually in a chair with a book, staring at him. He started when he saw his friend and the atmosphere in the room seemed to turn to ice.

"Sorry I – er – I…" Erik stuttered "I didn't think anyone was in here"

Charles just looked at him.

Erik turned to leave "I'll, I'll leave" he said quietly.

"Erik, wait!" Charles called after him, springing to his feet. Erik turned, expectant.

"I'm, I'm sorry about earlier" Charles stuttered.

"Sorry? You're sorry?" Erik asked, instinctively closing the distance between them in a few strides "You have no reason to be. I'm the one who should be sorry, and I am. I pushed you too hard, I had no right to try and force you into telling me what you didn't want to"

But Charles was shaking his head again "Erik I invaded your mind and froze you, I had no right to do that"

Erik looked at Charles who was so open right now, so innocent, and suddenly all those confused feelings from earlier made sense and he knew exactly what he wanted to do. Charles was still stuttering out his apology for something he really didn't need to apologize for, but Erik didn't hear the words anymore. He put a careful finger on Charles' lips, shushing him.

"Erik, what are you-?" Charles began to ask, but he was cut off by soft lips which were suddenly pressed against his in an impulsive and risky move on Erik's part. For a second Charles was frozen, he couldn't respond to the gentle lips which continued to kiss him. But after that second his mind was suddenly clear and he knew, just like Erik did, that this was what he wanted. However he realized just a fraction of a second too late because Erik pulled away, embarrassed.

"I'm sorry" he said, starting to back away. But Charles was having none of it. He grabbed Erik and pulled him to him, holding him there with one arm around his waist and one on the back of his head, and he was taken over by a hunger he couldn't sate. Erik found hungry lips on his, finally responding with a power and want as strong as his own.

There was a click as Erik instinctively locked the door without even looking, but this time it wasn't to keep Charles in but to keep the rest of the world out, lest they should intrude on this perfect and unexpected moment.

Charles was stronger and more forceful than he'd expected and to start with he was taken aback as the telepath took the lead, but Erik was the more experienced and the stronger and it wasn't long before he had control again. He slowly pushed Charles towards the wall, just as he had done several hours earlier. Only now the action was done out of lust and desire and the confused emotions in both men were perfectly clear.

This had to be right, thought Charles as he felt the solid wall pressed against his back and the strong hands pinning him there. There was no way it could be wrong when it felt so right to have Erik's lips on his, for their breath to be one and for his entire body to tingle at the slightest touch.

"You know" Erik whispered into Charles' ear. He kissed him again, his lips somehow both soft and rough, gentle and powerful, before continuing "We never got to finish that game of chess"

"It can wait" Charles whispered back.


	2. Chapter 2 Our secret

In the library of Xavier Mansion, the chess board lay still, an abandoned, half-finished game still upon it. The room had been meticulously tidied and put to rights, no sign of the tense scene which it had seen only hours ago, and the scene on passion which eventually followed.

Charles Xavier and Erik Lehnsherr had become something more than friends that evening. They had discovered new depths to themselves and had 'altered the parameters of their relationship'.

To put it simply, Charles and Erik were now in a relationship.

But only in private. In public, around anyone but themselves, they would remain the same. Because the thing they had found in each other was too confusing and complex and precious for the world to see.

"It'll be our secret" Charles had whispered to Erik as they lay together on the sofa, too scared to unlock the door and move on with life.

"The world has too many secrets" Erik had whispered back.

"Do you want them to know?" Charles had asked.

"Well, no"

"Not all secrets are bad, my friend" Charles whispered, leaning up on his elbows to look down at Erik "Some are beautiful". Then he leant down and gently kissed him.

"My friend? It's a little late for that, Charles"

"Is it? Can we not be both friends and lovers? Must we be one? I still need you as my friend Erik"

"If you want it that way, we'll be both" Erik whispered, kissing Charles. "We'll be lovers and we'll be friends"

"In that case, my friend, I'm going upstairs to bed" Charles said, carefully untangling himself from Erik and slipping up off the sofa.

"We never finished our chess" Erik called after him. Charles stopped, paused, turned. He studied the board.

"You've got me in 3 moves"

"And you've got 2 routes out"

"And either of those routes will have me defeated in less than 10 moves"

Erik could think of nothing to say in return and Charles smiled at the metal-user's obvious attempt to make him stay just a little longer.

"I'll see you in the morning, Erik" he said, moving to the door and unlocking it.

"Morning is a long time to wait"

"Then maybe I'll leave the door unlocked" Charles said with a sly smile before casually strolling from the room.

"Locks can't stop me anyway Charles" Erik called after him. Charles couldn't help but smile to himself. His hand brushed past his temple an inside Erik's head he heard the words 'You know very well that that was a disguised invitation'

Erik chuckled to the empty room.

The bell had recently chimed 3 in the morning. Most of the mansion's residents had retired to bed, only Hank was left up, in his lab hunched over sheets of paper and occasionally peering down a microscope as he was most nights.

Erik lay in the dark of his room, absentmindedly spinning coins around his bed. He couldn't sleep, but that wasn't rare. What was rare was the reason he couldn't sleep. It wasn't because he was angry and it wasn't because he was remembering, it was because he was excited, and it was because, for the first time in a very long time, he was happy.

A brief sensation flashed through his mind and the coins fell to the floor. It wasn't a sensation he could have described, it was like a whisper, like a smile and nothing more. But Erik knew what it meant.

His door was open before he'd even got up off the bed and he slipped through it. Somehow he knew the way through the corridors, despite still being a little unsure of the mansion's layout and it being dark. He could have put it down to his feelings for Charles, whatever they were, guiding him, but it was more likely that it was the actual Charles subtly guiding him until he reached his destination, Charles' door. It was already ajar.

Erik slipped in through the open door, closing it behind him.

Charles was stood, leaning against the footboard of is bed. There was one lamp dimly lighting the room.

"You summoned me" Erik said with a slight smile on his lips. Charles just smiled. Erik quietly walked across the room, closing the distance between them. No words passed between them until Erik had greeted Charles with a kiss, soft and caressing. Charles let him do so, but when the two pulled apart he looked at him with an expression Erik couldn't fathom. Eventually he found a voice, although it was little more than a whisper.

"What are we doing, Erik?" he asked. Erik could sense the deep internal dilemma in Charles.

"What do you mean Charles?" he asked. The telepath's face was creased with worry.

"I mean, what are we doing? This… this… whatever it is came out of nowhere"

"I wouldn't call it a whatever it is, I would call it a relationship" Erik said, moving in to place a comforting hand on Charles' cheek, but Charles flinched away.

"I'm sorry Erik, I'm just so confused" he turned away "I'm not like this Erik, I've never been… I've never had feelings like…"

"You've never been gay" Erik substituted and Charles turned to him, giving him a small nod. "Neither have I, Charles" he said softly "but that doesn't make it wrong. It doesn't make it a thing to be scared of. 24 hours ago I couldn't have predicted this, couldn't have ever imagined that I would ever feel this way. Couldn't have predicted that right now all I would want to do is kiss you"

And that was exactly what he did. Cupping Charles' face with his hands and kissing the scared and confused man. Charles had heard what Erik said, had taken it in, and all he really needed to convince him of what the man had said was Erik's lips on his.

The darkness was a refuge for Charles, it stole vision and enhanced sensation. He let Erik guide him through the night, let the older and more experienced man work out the confusion inside him. And when he finally fell asleep he did so peacefully, with no cares and no worries. And when Erik awoke early in the morning and slipped away to his own room he too felt lighter, as though some of his cares were gone, as though his burden was a little less. Maybe there was something waiting for him after Shaw. Maybe there was a life for him to live.


	3. Chapter 3 Face the World

When morning came Charles was alone. His bed had clearly been slept in by two people, being crumpled on both sides, but the person who had previously shared the bed with him was now absent. Erik had woken just as the sun was creeping above the horizon. He had gazed out of the window at the orange tint in the sky and then back into the room at the peace on Charles' face. He had smiled.

"Our secret" he had whispered. The door swung open, seemingly on its own, and he slipped away silently.

When he woke Charles briefly lamented Erik's absence, but the sadness was only brief. He knew it needed to be a secret, for a while at least, and if that meant waking up alone then he could take that. Besides, he reflected, it meant he could have the moment of seeing Erik again. It was that thought which propelled him out of bed, into his clothes and downstairs.

It was in the kitchen that he found Erik, along with Raven, Hank and Alex. Hank saw him first, raising his eyes from his cup of tea and saying "Good morning", this was followed by a chorus of 'Morning's and 'Good morning's, which he returned. The atmosphere in the kitchen was relaxed, but as soon as he caught Erik's eyes his whole mood changed. Now began a game, he realised, trying to behave normally so that their little secret would remain that.

If only Erik had made it a little easier and not looked so stunning, leaning back casually on a chair and reading the newspaper.

Charles took a mug from the cupboard and poured some water out of the recently boiled kettle, adding a teabag and some milk before moving to sit down, taking a seat opposite to Erik. Erik caught his eyes for a moment, sending a shiver down Charles' spine. When Erik's eyes eventually broke away, returning to look casually at the newspaper, Charles felt as though he was broken from a trance.

"Did you sleep well, Charles?" Erik asked, no sign of the true meaning of his words showing through.

"Yes, very well, thank you" Charles managed to say in return "And you?"

Erik smiled behind his paper so that only Charles could see it. His eyes flicked up, catching Charles' again. "Excellently"

"Good" Charles replied, taking a sip of tea to hide his expression. "Everyone else?" he asked. Everyone responded positively, they had all slept very well thank you.

Had last night gone a different way, if Erik and Charles had finished their game the way they always did and none of those words had been spoken, none of those secrets revealed or created, then Charles would probably have asked if there was any news or developments, he would probably have inquired after the contents of today's newspaper which Erik was reading. But last night hadn't gone a different way and Charles didn't want to know any news, he didn't care about the world beyond his estate, not today. Today Charles didn't want the rest of the world intruding on his life. The world could wait, Shaw could wait. Today he had Erik.

And so Charles didn't ask for news, and he received none. Erik read only the stories which were nothing to do with mutants, Shaw or missiles, sharing in Charles' feeling that today the world had no right to intrude.

After a short time, Hank left, Raven following not long after him. Alex, Erik and Charles shared idle chit-chat, talking about small, irrelevant things before Alex left as well and the two men were alone. The kitchen was silent, but it was a companionable silence. Charles got up to take a plate to the sink but when his hand reached out to turn the tap it turned apparently of its own accord. Charles knew who must have done it, but he was still a little startled and he spun around, finding Erik still sat in his chair but with the newspaper which had previously held his attention discarded on the table. Erik help the telepath's eyes but with a hand by his temple Charles' held the other man's mind. It was an instinctive move on his part, one which connected the two of them, made their thoughts weave together, synchronize and then separate again. As swiftly as he had done it, Charles broke the connection but he instantly felt colder. Erik blinked as though being released from some kind of trance but he did not chastise Charles' actions, in fact he smiled slightly.

"It's nice to finally be alone" Erik said, rising from his seat and walking over to Charles.

"I couldn't agree more" Charles replied with a warm smile.

"I'm sorry I left like that" Erik said, looking slightly pained "I didn't want to"

"Erik"

"I just thought it would be best for appearances if we emerged from our own rooms this morning"

"Erik it's ok. You don't need to apologise, I understand"

"I was worried you'd be annoyed at me for slipping out like that"

"I'm not annoyed. Besides, I'm a telepath remember, if I had wanted to I would have known your exact reasons as soon as I woke up"

"So you're not mad"

Charles laughed a little. "Of course I'm not mad Erik. We agreed it would be a secret, that means we're going to have to sneak around and slip away when we don't want to sometimes" Charles finished his sentence by kissing Erik, proving he wasn't in the least bit annoyed. Erik kissed him back and for a moment the two men forgot the danger of kissing in such a commonly used room of the house as they focused solely on the kiss.

When they eventually pulled away for breath they looked at each other, only centimeters between them. Charles carefully took Erik's hand.

"Are you ready to go back to pretending?" the telepath whispered.

"Not yet" Erik said back. He kissed Charles again, slowly, like he was in slow motion, and when he eventually pulled away he said "Alright then, let's go and face the world"

The two men left the kitchen together, but they weren't touching. If anyone had seen them they would have seen two friends, nothing more.


	4. Chapter 4 Rage and Serenity

AN: Just before I start I want to say that this latest update is a scene from the film written with an insight into the characters' minds. so yeah, it's not an original scene but I thought it might be kind of interesting to try doing this. I hope you enjoy it :-):-)

On with the scene!

Charles was in no way comfortable. He held a gun up to Erik's head, and, despite Erik's firm reassurance that this was safe, no amount of comfort could undo a life's certainty that guns kill, and there was something extremely wrong to him with shooting someone in the head from point blank.

"You sure?" he asked, secretly hoping that Erik would realise the ridiculousness of this and back out.

"I'm sure" Erik replied with a grin. Inwardly, Charles swore. He steadied himself, all too aware of the weight of the gun in his hand and the face of the man beyond. His heartbeat increased in speed and seemed to echo in his ears. He steadied his breathing, carefully moved his finger on the trigger to get the feel of it, testing its tension. He prepared to shoot. But he couldn't, he lowered the gun.

"No! No. I can't, I'm sorry. I can't shoot anybody point blank, let alone my friend"

The word friend felt wrong in his mouth, and from the look in Erik's eyes it felt wrong in the metal-user's ears too. There was a moment when their eyes met and the reality of not just being friends anymore felt all the more real. And then the moment passed and Erik was back to being enthusiastic and Charles was back to being unsure.

Erik grabbed Charles' hand, a touch which seemed almost to burn the telepath's skin, and raised the gun back up to his head. Charles' heart pounded so hard he thought surely it must be visible. The longer he held a gun to Erik's head the more the sick feeling in his stomach grew, he would never shoot Erik. "Oh, come on! You know I can deflect it" Erik said, still grinning. "You're always telling me I should push myself"

Charles brought the gun back down. "If you know you can deflect it, then you're not challenging yourself!" he said, grateful for the opportunity to move on without his actual motivation of being absolutely terrified showing through. "Whatever happened to the man who...who was trying to raise a submarine?" he asked.

"I… I… I can't! Something that big… I need the situation, the anger" Erik objected.

"No, the anger's not enough"

"Well it's gotten the job done all this time"

"It's nearly gotten you killed all this time"

Erik didn't know how to respond to that. It wasn't just that Charles was trying to change how he used his power, telling him there was a better way to do things, which had sucked the words from him. It was what Charles had said, the way he'd chosen to say it. 'Nearly gotten you killed' – Charles had thought about it, he'd consciously considered that Erik had spent his whole life nearly getting killed. He cared.

"Come on, let's try something else" Charles said, breaking Erik's moment and signaling for the metal-user to follow him as he walked a short distance.

"You see that?" Charles asked, indicating a large satellite disk in the distance. "Try turning it to face us"

Erik thought this was stupid, there was no way on Earth he could move that, especially not when he was in a relatively good mood in a safe place. But Charles had asked him to, and right now he would try anything for Charles. So he thought of the past, of everything he had lost, and he thought of the future, of the idea that Shaw would happily destroy everything Erik had all over again. And that made him angry, angrier than he had been in a while. He channeled that anger into his hands, focusing on moving the great mass of metal. He could feel it, could feel his invisible hold on it. He grasped it and willed it towards him. But no matter how much he thought about those things, he wasn't there in his mind and that meant his attempt was doomed to fail from the start.

And Charles knew that. He watched as Erik struggled, going red in the face from the effort. And he patiently waited for Erik to give up.

"You know" Charles said quietly "I believe that true focus lies somewhere between rage and serenity" he met Erik's eyes. "Do you mind if I…?" he wiggled his fingers to signify using his powers. Erik shook his head, more than welcome to let Charles into his head.

Charles placed his fingers in their usual spot on his head and he instantly felt more focused. He was still in his own mind, but at the same he was in Erik's. Streaming through years of pain and loneliness, dodging loss after loss. Charles could sense the power in these memories, could understand how such emotions could give Erik the immense ability he had already witnessed. But it wasn't enough. These memories were unstable, fluctuating between burning anger and a deep, crushing loss. Even touching that loss made Charles feel as though it would break him, and knowing that Erik carried it every day brought the telepath even closer to breaking. But, buried deep within a dusty corner of Erik's subconscious which felt as though it hadn't been touched in years, past ideas of revenge and memories of pain, through hatred for Shaw and feelings for Charles, he found what he was looking for. A bright spark. A spark so bright and so pure that when Charles reached out and touched it light flared and filled both of them. It was beautiful, gentle and quiet and beautiful and it had been waiting for so long to be remembered.

This memory had no trace of pain, no taint of loss or anger. It was simple really, just an evening with candles and Erik's mother. But that was why it was so perfect. It was one of the few memories Erik had left of being entirely safe and entirely happy.

Erik froze. He hadn't expected anything like this when he allowed Charles into his head. He had expected the telepath to take control of him and channel his power in a new way, but Charles did no such thing. What Erik felt was so good it was almost painful.

"What did you just do to me?" he asked, barely able to get even those few words out.

"I accessed the brightest corner of your memory system" came the reply. "It's a very beautiful memory, Erik. Thank you" Charles wiped a tear from his cheek, seemingly just as overwhelmed as Erik.

"I didn't know I still had that"

Charles made sure he had Erik's eyes on his own, he wanted Erik's full attention. "There's so much more to you than you know. Not just pain and anger. There's good too, I felt it. And when you can access all that, you'll possess a power no one can match. Not even me"

No one had ever spoken to Erik like that before. Had those words come from anyone else he would have been suspicious, but from Charles Erik believed them. Coming from Charles they seemed to ring true in his heart.

"Come on" Charles said "Try again"

Erik focused again, only this time it felt different. He could feel his grasp on the enormous mass of metal and it was firm, strong. When he began to pull it towards him he braced himself for the incredible, unmoving resistance he had encountered last time. At first he met with that resistance, but after a moment the disk creaked loudly and slowly it began to turn.

It was only very slow movement but as Erik had expected no movement at all it almost sent him reeling. However he managed to remain focused and gradually the disk rotated towards them. Charles watched from a pace behind, smiling but in no way surprised at what Erik was doing. But when the disk was facing them and Erik finally collapsed against the stone wall, Charles couldn't help but feel an uncontrollable flush of pride. He had known Erik could do it, but the point was that Erik hadn't known. Erik had trusted Charles though, he had done as Charles asked despite thinking it futile and Charles didn't need to be a telepath to know how hard it was for Erik to do as someone asked him to when he didn't believe in it.

For the first time, Charles realised how privileged he was to have Erik trust him as much as he did. He'd known of course, but only now did the enormity of such trust hit him. He looked at Erik, who was grinning wider than Charles had ever seen, and he smiled quietly to himself.


	5. Chapter 5 A Moment Worth Living For

Erik hadn't meant to fall asleep, he had been lying on his bed, reading, and he had simply drifted off. He was tired, but no matter how tired he was sleep was rarely welcome. Erik was more than familiar with nightmares, he was intimately acquainted with the inner workings of his mind at night and the horrors conjured therein. But this evening Erik had a nightmare like none he had ever had before.

Erik's usual nightmares kept him locked in a blurry, incoherent world of fear for most of the night, tossing and turning but never able to escape. He usually didn't even call out, it was as if his mind was frozen.

But not this time, this nightmare was different. It wasn't one occasion he dreamt about, but many. His mind played through a film reel of all the worst moments of his life in absolute clarity. Things he hadn't thought about in years, had forgotten entirely, came rushing back to him in perfect detail. There was no apparent order to it, his subconscious just threw every painful memory it could find at him, every instant of fear.

This nightmare made Erik cry out, made him toss and turn and throw away anything that met his grasp. Every piece of metal in the room, and in those nearby, shook as if an earthquake was occurring. Erik's screams could be heard around the house. Charles heard them from where he was sat reading downstairs. He didn't even pause, as soon as those cries reached his ears he was out of his seat and running. On the way to Erik's room he put his hand to his temple and found his way into Erik's thoughts, but hardly had time to identify them as a dream before he was thrown back out again by the sheer force of emotion which took him by surprise and sent him physically reeling.

Charles reached Erik's room a moment after Raven and Alex, who had arrived from different directions but at almost exactly the same time. They hadn't gone in yet, since when Alex had tried the door he had felt the metal-user's invisible grasp on it and neither of them wanted to brave whatever was going on inside until they had a little more information.

"It's alright" Charles said as he ran up "He's just having a nightmare, it's fine"

"Well can you wake him up from out here?" Raven asked "Because he's going to hurt himself if he's not careful"

Charles shook his head. "I tried to get into his head but I only had a second to find out what was going on before he threw me out"

"I didn't know non-telepaths could throw you out" Alex said.

"Ordinarily they can't, but whatever's going on in his head is so violent that I couldn't stay. I'm going to go in, see if I can help. Don't come in after me" Charles said. He took hold of the door handle, meeting strong resistance, and turned it, throwing the door open and darting through before it slammed shut again, the sounds of the others' protests cutting off as it did.

Erik's room was in chaos, although Charles had expected no less. Everything within Erik's reach had been thrown across the room, and pretty much anything metal had been moved. The man on the bed was almost still now, apart from the occasional cry, but Charles still approached cautiously.

"Erik…?" he said quietly, not wanting to startle the sleeping man. Charles approached a little further, but he was still well out of Erik's reach. He repeated the metal-user's name, a little louder this time. Erik still didn't respond. Charles dared to try and enter Erik's mind, but he did so gently, he didn't want to shock Erik or enter his thoughts without permission, he only wanted to find a way to calm him.

Although the other man was still deep in his dream, Charles was able to infiltrate his mind more successfully than the last time he'd tried, doing so slowly and gently to avoid detection and to gradually adjust to the storm in Erik's head. It took him a few seconds, possibly even half a minute, but eventually he found himself one with Erik's thoughts, witnessing the swirling chaos of memories as though he were watching a film reel. He could feel the intense emotion these memories elicited in Erik, and he could hardly blame the other man for screaming.

Charles shook himself mentally, reminding himself of his purpose and dragging himself from the fear Erik was feeling and the pain that caused in him. The telepath set about his task gently, seeking to replace the dream with his voice.

"Erik" he whispered, both in his mind and out loud. "It's alright, Erik. You're safe"

Erik's unconscious mind was at last aware of the foreign presence which had invaded it and was doing its best to throw Charles out, buffering him with resistance.

"Erik please, it's me. It's Charles. Let me help you"

Something seemed to change in Erik, a small part of his conscious mind began to wake up at the mention of Charles and the nightmare receded a little.

"Just calm your mind. Calm"

The nightmare receded a little more and Erik began to drag himself from sleep. Charles didn't break the mental connection until he saw Erik's eyes open.

"Welcome back"

Erik said nothing, still shaken from the nightmare. He offered Charles the barest hint of a smile. With some difficulty he eventually found a voice. "Thanks for rescuing me"

Charles shrugged. "What good is it being a telepath if you can't occasionally help the ones you care about?"

There was something Charles wasn't telling Erik, he could see it.

"What's wrong, Charles?"

"Nothing's wrong"

"Don't lie to me"

"I said it's nothing"

"And I said don't lie"

Charles was never going to win this battle of wills and he knew it. "I'm sorry"

That was not what Erik had been expecting. "For what?"

"I saw your dream. If I'd never gone so deeply into your memories all of that stuff wouldn't have been stirred up. It's my fault"

Erik's first instinct was to immediately deny everything Charles was saying, but he could see the truth in the words, so instead he went for a different tact. "Charles, whether or not his is your fault is up to debate, but even if it is I don't care. You gave me back that memory, one of the few I have left that's still good. For god's sake don't apologise for giving me that back. I'd live through a thousand nightmares for that"

Charles still felt bad, but Erik put his hand in the telepath's and Charles lay down next to him on the bed. They spoke at great length about what Charles had seen, the darkest points of Erik's past, and eventually they spoke about Charles' past too.

A new memory was formed that night. Two friends and lovers lay together on a bed and shared stories. Outside somewhere a terrible man was making terrible plans and everything felt like it was going wrong, but within those walls none of it mattered. It was a simple memory when they both felt loved and happy and, for a few hours at least, so very safe. Both Erik and Charles drew on that memory for strength at low points in their lives, a reminder that even when everything looks bleak it's possible to find a bright spark in all of the misery, and that spark is worth all of the pain and grief. That bright spark is worth living for.


	6. Chapter 6 Let Go for Good

For some reason that Charles had never been entirely sure of, most of the important moments in his life seemed to happen in his library. Tonight felt like one of those moments. Tomorrow they were going to face Shaw, could quite easily die doing so, and yet Charles found himself sat in his library playing chess. Always playing chess. It seemed like Charles never stopped playing chess, and in many ways he never did. That evening he and Erik started a game but they never finished it. The pieces they'd left on the board stayed there for months, Charles finding himself incapable of moving them. He would spend hours staring at that board, reimagining the course of the game thousands of times. By the time he finally brought himself to put them away he knew the exact layout of that game and every possible move he and Erik could have made from there. In the same way, he reimagined that evening's conversation everything he could possibly have said that might've made Erik stay.

Not that either man knew that when they started playing that evening.

In fact that game was of little consequence to either of them, it was just that they enjoyed the company. And something unknown told both of them that they should appreciate their time together while they could. Neither could have voiced the thought though, it wasn't a tangible concept in either man's consciousness, just a vague feeling that every second was precious.

Charles was losing Erik, he hated to admit it but it was true. Erik was set on killing Shaw and there would be no going back from that. Erik's past was complicated and so dark it was almost black and Charles, no matter how hard he tried, couldn't help the metal-user overcome that. He was going to lose Erik. That thought terrified him more than anything else. For the first time in his life he was complete, having Erik by his side made him whole.

Charles had always felt isolated. He'd grown up in his massive house with no one, until Raven arrived of course, and once she moved in he took on the role of caring for her. Charles had always been the reasonable, responsible, sensible one and it had been lonely. Charles wasn't lonely anymore. With Erik he could be himself, he could let down his guard and allow the older man to take on some of the weight he carried. He loved Erik for that, needed him because of it, and if the metal-user left then Charles would be alone again.

He wanted to tell Erik to stay, was desperate to beg Erik not to leave him alone again. But he didn't do that, he just played chess.

And then, at some point he couldn't quite pinpoint, they stopped playing chess. The board was moved aside, replaced by each other's arms and lips. Erik locked the door with a wave of his hand before burying that same hand in Charles' hair, the other clutching at his shirt as he pulled the telepath down onto the sofa. Charles cleared his mind of thoughts and allowed a mental connection to run freely between himself and Erik, determined to have as much of this man as he could before life inevitably ripped him away.

Erik chased away all the fears about tomorrow, all the worries of today. Locked in that library, Erik chased away the rest of the world. He couldn't change who he was and he wouldn't change his plans for Shaw, but the one thing he could do was make Charles forget, just for an evening.

Had things been different they might have been together forever. Had things been different they might never have been together at all. But things weren't different. Things were like this. Charles knew that, but he didn't want to, so he clung to Erik, kissing him hungrily, desperately, wanting to keep him close for as long as possible. Wanting to hold on to the most beautiful thing in his life. Knowing that when he let go, it would be for good.


End file.
